| | Well, Xanga overhaul time! Yes, I'm back once again, throwing some
love out to everyone. Wait. How do you throw love? Screw it. I'm going
to go glowstick.
Which brings me to the question: Why the hell
am I stringing? mean I could've picked a more normal hobby, one that
involved physical involvement or one that I'm actually apply. I doubt
I'm ever going to go to a rave in my lifetime, so why try?
I
think I know why. Because stringing is my form of self expression. It
may seem like pretty colours to some other people, but when you lace up
the sticks and you block out everything excet the bass and the position
of the strings in your mind, there's something that clicks: A Unity
between sound and light that's calming. A untiy that makes me forget
about anything and everything I'm worried about. About how I have no
clue what I'm doing in life, about how everyone's leaving for college
or programs and I'm dead broke, no liscence, no job, lazy ass Matt,
with no direction in life.
Is it too much to ask for a good time
while not having to worry about the stress of post-education? Fuck, I
don't want to grow up. I'm scared. Responsibilities like actually
having to worry about if I'm going to have enough money to keep up
payments on a home, or electricity eventually make things such as
thinking about how I'm going to pay for this months subscription of X
Game pretty trivial. I mean, is it life's goal to make you seem as
childish as possible? I mean, in order to do anything I WANT to do in
life, I need math, physics, chem, or some shit that I'm bad at. I just
want to be able to work during school, and spend my well earned breaks
like I want. But NO. My summers are now to be spent earning money for
college, where I'll be working even harder to prepare for the
crappiness that is adulthood.
Also, thinking that I needed a
girlfriend = bad mistake. No offense to said person, but I don't think
this is what I need right now. Either that or she's just not the right
one for me. I just need a girl to cuddle with and talk to. Some girl
that's smart, informed.. and honestly a little crazy. Having a foil
like that would be heaven. Fuck. I'm rambling too much.
This is what happens when you think too much, children. |
| | Posted 2/16/2006 9:05 PM - 1 View - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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